The Owl Head Shoe Horn comprises content tentatively vetted, begrudgingly skimmed, and reluctantly approved by Hector Suzuki Industries.


Make no mistake: The Owl Head Shoe Horn will not be bested. We are buying all the property along your miserable town’s main drag. We are lowering the soil around your home’s perimeter so that your basement will flood the next time it rains. We are undermining the Iowa caucuses and reporting back to Putin. We are stealing your lunch and eating it in front of your partner. We are values driven.


Since 2020, The Owl Head Shoe Horn has been neither artisanal nor organic. We are neither makers nor crafters. We have never spoken truth to power, because we are the truth. And the power. We’ve never leaned in. Nor have we circled wagons. Sand is the only thing we’ve ever placed in buckets.

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The Owl Head Shoe Horn
Seattle, Washington